We have all come across someone in our life that seems to only talk about bad things when you are next to them. I’m not talking about their misfortunes, sad moments, or their complicated situations but more so conversations which only revolve around toxicity, negativity and a sense of meanness.
In today’s post, I wanted to explore the notion of a loved one that constantly tells you bad things and in this case, a friend. This goes without saying that there are so many types of friends and if you were to search online, you will find the internet telling you what types of friends you should have in your life, how long it takes for a relationship to go from an acquaintanceship to a friendship, etc.
But there are also universal experiences that you don’t need the internet telling you about in order to know them—and having a loved one that constantly tells you bad things is one of them. Obviously, this could be a family member, a co-worker or an acquaintance but in this specific situation, I want to explore it with the theme of friendship.
Nous avons tous, dans notre vie, rencontré quelqu’un qui semble ne parler que de choses négatives en notre présence. Je ne parle pas de ses malheurs, de ses moments tristes ou de ses situations compliquées, mais plutôt de conversations qui ne tournent qu’autour de la toxicité, de la négativité et d’une certaine méchanceté.
Dans cet article, je voulais explorer la notion d’un proche qui ne cesse de nous dire des choses négatives, et dans ce cas précis, d’un ami. Il va de soi qu’il existe de nombreux types d’amis, et si vous faites une recherche en ligne, vous trouverez des informations sur le type d’amis que vous devriez avoir dans votre vie, sur le temps nécessaire pour qu’une relation passe du statut de simple connaissance à celui d’amie, etc.
Mais il existe aussi des expériences universelles que l’on connaît sans avoir besoin d’Internet pour savoir, et avoir un proche qui ne cesse de nous dire des choses négatives en fait partie. Bien sûr, il pourrait s’agir d’un membre de la famille, d’un collègue ou d’une simple connaissance, mais dans ce cas précis, je souhaite explorer le thème de l’amitié.
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A SOURCE OF COMPANIONSHIP OR TOXICITY?
Most often that not, the only reason we tend to put up with people who could be problematic or do questionable things is due to the fact we try to see the good in them. It’s also important to remember that people are complex, multi-faceted and multi-dimensional individuals, there is a lot more nuance to everything so you can’t make hasty decisions or judgments based on a single interaction or action.
It’s fair to say that a friend who constantly tells you bad things whether it’s about another person, situation, event or action doesn’t necessarily provide a source of happiness, contentment or fulfilment during these interactions. After a point, you have to ask yourself if you truly find value or entertainment at those interactions because you genuinely enjoy hearing those things or if you are ignoring this situation because you don’t want to say anything back to them.
Related: Is Anger a Necessity or Toxicity?
HAPPY MEMORIES OR DISILLUSIONED TIMES?
The next point begs the question if you are really able to build happy memories with this friend or if it’s a disillusioned experience. A person who is mean spirited is only able to find joy at the misfortune of another person. Having a person like that next to you on a regular basis will drain the joy and energy out of you. You might think you can put up with this behaviour but after a point, it will just tire you out and you might not even be able to recognise yourself anymore.
Related: Little Things In Life To Do To Be Happy.
DO THE PROS REALLY OUTWEIGH THE CONS?
At the end of the day, you have to reflect and reevaluate whether the pros outweigh the cons because subconsciously, you are allowing this loved one to use you and rope you in as a conspirator which doesn’t only make you enable this person but also their behaviour.
If you aren’t displeased by that behaviour then this is obviously not a problem but if you are, then you are encouraging this person to continue this behaviour with you for the foreseeable future.
The only question that stands at the end is whether you still want to pursue a relationship which could very much be exhausting in the long run or add distance and drift apart organically. Both options are just a matter of personal preference.
Related: 3 Ways to Embrace Getting Older.
Thank you so much for reading! – xo N
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