3 Insignificant Things That Are A Big Red Flag.

Humans are very complex but something even more complex are relationships. You don’t necessarily dislike someone because their morals & beliefs don’t align with yours, sometimes their personality or even an action or word of theirs might have made you distance away from them and not want to pursue something profound with them.

With that said, the opposite might happen as well. When you love someone, it’s very easy to brush away any of their red flag and try to find an excuse for their action. However, that only applies when the red flag in question is obvious. On the other hand, there are some red flags that might seem insignificant or go hidden but could potentially have a huge impact in the long run and that’s what I wanted to talk about in today’s post.

Note that if you spot someone having these red flags in question, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to cut them out of your life but it’s important to reflect whether it’s healthy or not to have them a part of your life. Personally, I wouldn’t form a relationship, let alone an earnest one with someone who has these red flags but as always, you know what’s best for you and for your life.

Les humains sont très complexes, mais les relations sont encore plus complexes. Vous ne détestez pas nécessairement quelqu’un parce que sa morale et ses croyances ne correspondent pas aux vôtres, parfois sa personnalité ou même une action ou une de ses paroles peut vous avoir éloigné de lui et ne pas vouloir poursuivre quelque chose de profond avec lui.

Cela dit, le contraire pourrait également se produire. Lorsque vous aimez quelqu’un, il est très facile de balayer l’un de ses drapeaux rouges et d’essayer de trouver une excuse à son action. Cependant, cela ne s’applique que lorsque le drapeau rouge en question est évident. D’un autre côté, il y a des drapeaux rouges qui peuvent sembler insignifiants ou être cachés mais qui pourraient potentiellement avoir un impact énorme à long terme et c’est ce dont je voulais parler dans le post d’aujourd’hui.

Notez que si vous repérez quelqu’un ayant ces drapeaux rouges en question, cela ne signifie pas nécessairement que vous devez les éliminer de votre vie, mais il est important de réfléchir s’il est sain ou non de les avoir une partie de votre vie. Personnellement, je ne nouerais pas de relation, encore moins une relation sérieuse avec quelqu’un qui a ces drapeaux rouges, mais comme toujours, vous savez ce qui est le mieux pour vous et pour votre vie.

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THEIR RESPONSE WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU LOVE

I think the way someone reacts when you talk about something you love and enjoy says a lot about them in general. It could be about the most random and mundane thing but the right person (whether it’s platonic or romantic) will never make you feel bad about it even if it’s something that doesn’t interest or resonate with them. If their first response is to be disrespectful and condescending for no valid reason then how will they react when talking about serious issues?

Many people put up with this behaviour whether it’s with a friend or partner thinking that’s it’s a normal reaction even if they might have unconsciously felt hurt a bit. However, they don’t realise that the reaction in uncalled for. Unless you have forced them to do something, a person that loves & cares for you will never make you question about things that make you happy. The worst reaction you could possibly get is them not reacting which isn’t bad at all because it means they are actively listening to what you are saying as opposed to putting you down because they don’t understand or like it.

Related: The Difference Between Love & Infatuation

 

THEIR SENSE OF HUMOUR

Another thing that speaks volume about a person is their sense of humour. Everyone has a different type of humour, some can be darker than others whereas some could be very childish. However, anyone that laughs at the expense of another carries a very big red flag to me. There is nothing funny about hurting another person’s feeling in order to make yourself or others laugh.

Unfortunately, there are some who do use this technique and think it’s a good one. It doesn’t help that in certain media and situations, there are people who encourage this type of behaviour as opposed to explaining how harmful it could be. Today, they are laughing at another person’s insecurities/vulnerability, how long is it going to take them to laugh at yours? There is nothing to be surprised if they do laugh at yours tomorrow because it’s not a question of ‘if’ anymore but of ‘when’.

Related: My Experience With Negative Friendships

 

THE WAY THEY TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THEIR MISTAKES

I personally find that many people apologise just for the sake of doing it instead of truly recognising their wrongdoing in the first place. In addition, the word ‘sorry’ has lost some of its values when it’s thrown away so easily and casually nowadays. You could apologise for accidentally breaking something and you also could apologise for inflicting emotional scars on a person. I believe that someone acknowledging and accepting their action is much more genuine and sincere than an apology.

Depending on the situation, sometimes what you need is not an apology but accountability from the other person. Taking accountability doesn’t only show their maturity but also the willingness to grow & better themselves as a person. If someone is going to apologise and repeat the same mistake again, what’s the point of apologising in the first place? Worse, what’s the point of apologising if that person doesn’t regret or feels guilty about their action?

Related: 5 Steps To Redefine Your Life.


Thank you so much for reading! – xo N

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  1. I always like your posts. They help me think. For some reason the notifications have been jumping into the junk folder, certainly not my idea! If you don’t mind:

    On the first point, I think there have been times when I’ve been critical about something someone finds joy in. Yes, I often feel miserable about it later. I’ve been so into myself these past few years. Only now, as I start working with other people, am I relearning social dynamics.

    The second point, I’m in complete agreement with you. As one who has been laughed at, even now, I tend to be generous when it comes to latitude, here.

    The third point is a tough one. And I agree, sometimes sorry isn’t enough. I hate that many words have lost their meaning. I blame myself for things that happen to me. But I also blame the world, as if to draw attention away from myself. Since I was a child, I’ve found myself feeling horrible and a little helpless about the stupid things I come up with.

    How many times can I call myself an idiot? I’ve been trying to change my lifestyle. Maybe I can finally mature. I think that guys might have a general challenge with this. I’m not making excuses. I think it’s an overall behavioral issue stemming from addictions, my guess.

    1. Someone told me that money isn’t love. Those people took advantage of my state of depression. Now they want me back at all cost. But I’m not going. I’d rather do good things for the world. I’m working hard to be a better person.

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