the difference between love and infatuation - new lune

The Difference Between Love & Infatuation

{AD} This is a post I’ve been wanting to write for ages but I didn’t really know how to express my thoughts clearly and I don’t think I’ve mastered it now either but it’s a topic I really wanted to share. I’ve written a number of posts about relationships and dating, and I really enjoy writing and reading those blog posts. I find them helpful since I’ve never had any serious relationships and I’m always intrigued by this topic since it’s very entertaining haha!

As I get older, I realise that there is much more going on in a relationship that you could think of. I already knew that it wasn’t all roses and rainbows but as you meet more people and get to know other people’s experiences – there is always something new to learn. The majority of my readers are very young and there are so many things I wish I had known a decade ago. Your love & dating life covers the majority part of your life (as well as your education) when you are young that’s the reason why I wanted to write this post.

I don’t consider myself to be a relationship expert at all since I’ve been single my whole life but there are certain things I’ve learned that thankfully didn’t make choose the wrong path and that’s what I want to share with you. A very big disclaimer, I’m not saying you shouldn’t get into a relationship when you are young or that you should wait until a certain age in order to start dating. Every individual is different and so is their life. There is no right or wrong way to love someone.

This post is mainly about the difference between love and infatuation. So many people start a relationship out of pure pressure from their surroundings and later on, they realise they weren’t compatible with each other at all. There are many more different scenarios like this where you realise a couple of months or years down the line that it wasn’t meant to be and you could have prevented it if you had noticed it earlier.

There in’t such thing as a relationship that is a complete waste because you learn many life lessons and gain experiences by the end of it but we all know that sometimes, you could have learnt those things without necessarily being with that person. I really hope you find this post helpful if you are going through a situation where you don’t know if you should be with someone. This is going to be a very long post so bring a cup of tea or coffee! As always, if you are interested – keep on reading!

C’est un article que je voulais écrire depuis des lustres mais je ne savais pas vraiment comment exprimer clairement mes pensées et je ne pense pas l’avoir maîtrisé non plus, mais c’est un sujet que je voulais vraiment partager. J’ai écrit un certain nombre d’articles sur les relations et les rencontres, et j’aime vraiment écrire et lire ces articles de blog. Je les trouve utiles car je n’ai jamais eu de relations sérieuses et je suis toujours intrigué par ce sujet car c’est très divertissant haha!

Je me rends compte qu’il se passe beaucoup plus de choses dans une relation à laquelle vous pourriez penser. Je savais déjà que ce n’étaient pas que des roses et des arcs-en-ciel, mais au fur et à mesure que vous rencontrez plus de gens et apprenez à connaître les expériences des autres – il y a toujours quelque chose de nouveau à apprendre. La majorité de mes lecteurs sont très jeunes et il y a tellement de choses que j’aurais aimé savoir il y a dix ans. Votre vie amoureuse et amoureuse couvre la majeure partie de votre vie (ainsi que votre éducation) lorsque vous êtes jeune, c’est la raison pour laquelle j’ai voulu écrire cet article.

Je ne me considère pas du tout comme un expert des relations depuis que je suis célibataire toute ma vie, mais j’ai appris certaines choses qui, heureusement, ne m’ont pas fait choisir la mauvaise voie et c’est ce que je veux partager avec vous. . Un très grand avertissement, je ne dis pas que vous ne devriez pas entrer dans une relation lorsque vous êtes jeune ou que vous devez attendre un certain âge pour commencer à sortir ensemble. Chaque individu est différent et sa vie aussi. Il n’y a pas de bonne ou de mauvaise façon d’aimer quelqu’un.

Ce message traite principalement de la différence entre l’amour et l’engouement. Tant de gens commencent une relation par pure pression de leur environnement et plus tard, ils se rendent compte qu’ils n’étaient pas du tout compatibles les uns avec les autres. Il y a beaucoup plus de scénarios différents comme celui-ci où vous réalisez quelques mois ou années plus tard que ce n’était pas destiné à être et vous auriez pu l’empêcher si vous l’aviez remarqué plus tôt.

Il n’y a rien de tel qu’une relation qui est un gaspillage complet car vous apprenez de nombreuses leçons de vie et acquérez des expériences à la fin, mais nous savons tous que parfois, vous auriez pu apprendre ces choses sans nécessairement être avec cette personne. J’espère vraiment que vous trouverez ce message utile si vous vivez une situation où vous ne savez pas si vous devriez être avec quelqu’un. Ce sera un poste très long, alors apportez une tasse de thé ou de café! Comme toujours, si vous êtes intéressé, continuez à lire!

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WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?

Obviously the main question, why is it important? So many people start dating each other because they had a crush or were attracted towards each other – and they are still together – so why should it matter? Well, the thing is in this case we are talking about long-term or serious relationships. I know not everyone looks for a serious relationship and that is totally ok if that’s what you want but if on the other hand, you are looking for a serious relationship then this is something that matters.

Films & TV shows or even your surroundings have this concept of matchmaking or pushing you to date someone if you are single which isn’t necessarily bad but at the same time, it’s not something great either. It instils this unhealthy thought in your mind that you should start dating the person you have a crush on or the other way around if that person is interested in you. This mostly happens when you are at school or uni. There is this constant pressure that you might miss a potential “partner”.

Obviously, if you are not interested – you are not forced to be with that person. But at the same time, it’s not something that’s encouraged either. When you start a relationship that way, it’s more likely to fail from the very beginning because of the fact the relationship wasn’t established from a strong base. There are some cases where people think that they will find their significant other at school or uni.

Don’t get me wrong, that’s how most people find their partners but those people established a friendship and a connection before they became a couple. Whether it took them a couple of weeks, months or even years, they accepted each other’s flaws & weaknesses but when you are infatuated with someone – you won’t be able to accept them. At the end, what I’m trying to say is the fact that infatuation is only temporary.

You might think your feelings for that person are strong but once you start to spend more time with him/her or if you get the opportunity to date that person, you will quickly realise that what you had for that person wasn’t love but just infatuation. Your feelings won’t evaporate that quickly (unless that person was toxic and abusive) if you were in love with that person that’s why it’s very important to stay safe and take the necessary precautions when you are dating someone in terms of your health – that includes both women’s/men’s health. A careless mistake you make now can have a huge impact in your life later on in the future.

Related: Dating Tips During the Quarantine

 

THE DIFFERENCE

Actually, there isn’t much of a difference when it comes to both love and infatuation. Some would say that when you are infatuated with someone, you have this feeling of butterflies flying around in your stomach or you have this constant urge to be with them 24/7 whereas when you are in love with someone, you feel safe in their presence and it’s not really about the physical attraction but how emotionally connected you are with each other.

I truly believe it depends on each individual. Respect plays a huge part in this instance. The way you treat and care about each other speaks volume if you want to know the difference between love and infatuation. When you are infatuated with someone, you view that person in a completely different light and as soon as you start a relationship, you realise that everything was just an illusion. I’m not saying this won’t happen with love but it won’t be to the point where your feelings are changed overnight.

Ask yourself if you want to be with someone or want to be with a specific person, the answer to your question resides there. Many people start a relationship because they want to be with someone, not because they are in love which is a harsh reality. Some people end up finding ‘the one’ that way whilst others are on a quest. Always try to think with your mind before you listen to your heart.

Related: How To Maintain A Long Distance Relationship

 

AT WHAT POINT CAN YOU NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE?

I don’t think there is an age or even time when you will be able to find the difference between those two things if you are wondering whether you are in love with someone or are just infatuated because they are very much intertwined with each other. Some would say that if you still have romantic feelings towards someone after 6 months then it’s definitely more than infatuation and you are in love with that person.

Adults in their twenties or even in their thirties sometimes get into a relationship and realise that they were only purely attracted towards that person and weren’t in love. It’s probably one of the reasons why most people decide to separate after they’ve been together for a while because they realise that it wasn’t love but lust. So there isn’t an easy way to differentiate between true love and infatuation.

You have to listen to both your mind and heart. If your feelings for that person stay the same despite their flaws & imperfections then you are obviously in love but if your feelings are constantly changed then you are probably only infatuated with that person. This is not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about because at some point, everyone has been infatuated with someone but don’t let your feelings control you.

Related: Celebrating Valentine’s Day While Being Single

 

CAN INFATUATION TURN INTO LOVE?

Once again, this is something that completely depends on each individual. Usually the signs of infatuation aren’t positive ones which are possessiveness, anxiety, fear and insecurity. Those are more likely signs of a toxic relationship than a loving one that’s the reason why relationships based on infatuation don’t last a long time. They happen and go fast. When your relationship isn’t based on a healthy foundation, your relationship won’t make you fulfilled and you might feel disappointed at the end.

Related: Expectations, Reality & Love

 

As always, I would love to know your thoughts on this matter. Do you think infatuation can turn into love? Is it something that you should avoid? I would love to know if your relationship started as infatuation and blossomed into true love or if it was the total opposite.

Comme toujours, j’adorerais connaître votre opinion à ce sujet. Pensez-vous que l’engouement peut se transformer en amour? Est-ce quelque chose que vous devriez éviter? J’adorerais savoir si votre relation a commencé comme un engouement et s’est transformée en véritable amour ou si c’était le contraire.

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!

xo N

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  1. This is a good read! Although for me, yes, Infatuation can simply turn into love. Even if it ended for example, I still believe that you loved that person in small or big amounts even. The important thing is that we learn from the people we meet in our lives. Every one that we spent time with has a fraction of themselves that is left for you and I think it’s what matters the most. People will fall in and out of love and we become more mature because of the things and learning that they got from the person they loved. ❤ Cheers! 🙂

  2. Yet another banger,.this a good piece, made me recall my past relationships and i’ve come to a conclusion than with most it was all infatuation, hahahaha.

  3. Maybe there are infatuations of materiality, physicality, and preconceptions in status (magicality). So maybe these are temporally-bound whereas love is more eternally rooted.

  4. dam what a read. there’s too much to put my finger on it but I don’t think infatuation can turn into love. I think infatuation is more of a I really fancy that person. so maybe more of an attraction thing. could an infatuation become an obsession? I said to my friend today when you first meet someone you get that excitement when you are going to meet them. sometimes that can fade out over time and become just a normal thing and you no longer get that excited feeling you did when you first met. or maybe they no longer make the effort they used to when you first met. I’m not sure how long that may take. but if you always get the butterflies everytime forever that you got when you first met then I think it’s love. it’s hard to keep a relationship exciting once people get comfortable with each other. I find that women seem to be more commited to keep it exciting for example if you had a lot of women friends. I don’t know if they feel threatened or not so therefore keep it more exciting because they dont want you to go off with someone else as your still quite early on in the relationship so not necessarily committed to them. At the start it’s always exciting but sometimes that fades over time. I suppose some accept it and stay. others stay excited forever. others break up over time. I have heard people say they been married 10 years and have sex once a month. sometimes once every 3 months. I’ve heard only on birthdays. :-0 I could not imagine having a relationship like that just because I’m married now. does that mean you are bored of that person now? I’m not saying that’s all there is to a relationship but it is very important. surely you would be so frustrated if you was only sleeping with someone that often. can you really fall in love at first sight? don’t you need to get to know someone first to fall in love? sometimes you may get to know someone but then in the end they are not who you thought they were. 😦 humans are funny like that. best way I can describe it is like this. if you love someone you would want to marry them. if you are infatuated it’s maybe more of a thing that will fade over time. I mentioned marriage that’s a whole new topic :-0 ok I’m gonna stop now or I be writing all night.

    1. I totally understand what you mean! Humans are definitely weird creatures haha 😂 Thank you so much for reading and sharing your opinion!

    2. yes I like to say people are crazy especially online dam they are mentallllll :-0 some people don’t leave you alone for years online. they won’t let it go until the day you die :-0 glad I’m not like that. people with secret accounts to check up on other people is a sign something not right. I find that stuff weird. I think it’s insecurity. I’m more of a jealous type maybe. but jealousy is a good thing in small doses. I think :-0

    3. your in depth breakdown is brilliant I had to take time to read it. normally I couldn’t be bothered to read something that long. so you must be doing something right :-0

  5. I think me and you have the exact same thoughts on the matter! I can’t really say if I’ve ever been in love before so most likely I haven’t – I would say at most, ‘really like’ someone which I think is healthy.

    I would say I have been infatuated with someone before. It’s like a rush, excitement – usually (this happens for me) when you meet someone new. It’s all very fast and you like everything about the person. But like you said, it can fade and go just as fast too when you either realise that the person is completely different to what you thought (and you were just blind to it).

    I think the difference between the two is when you love someone, you embrace their imperfections too. Infatuation is kinda an ignorance to what you might dislike about them.

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