my experience with negative friendships - new lune

My Experience With Negative Friendships

We all have had at least one negative friend in our lives, if you hadn’t then you are either the luckiest person in the world or you don’t want to admit yourself in fear that it will have an impact on your friendship.

Throughout middle school and high school, and even in uni I’ve had negative friendships and there’s some sort of unspoken sigma that it’s completely normal and you have to adjust and understand these people and literally be okay with it which I don’t agree.

If someone’s presence doesn’t make you feel comfortable or you don’t get along with that person anymore then you don’t need to stay/be with them. I think most people try to forgive or forget their friends’ actions because we only see the good in them and sometimes our minds can’t comprehend what’s happening so we always give excuses to the point it has severe repercussions and consequences. In this post, I wanted to share with you my experience I’ve had with some negative friends and my thoughts about it.

Nous avons tous eu au moins un(e) ami(e) négatif dans notre vie. Si vous ne l’aviez pas alors, vous êtes soit la personne la plus chanceuse au monde, soit vous ne voulez pas vous admettre, de peur que cela ait un impact sur votre amitié.

Au collège et au lycée, et même à l’université, j’ai eu des amitiés négatives et il y a une sorte de sigma non dit que c’est complètement normal et que vous devez vous adapter et comprendre ces gens et être d’accord avec cela, ce que je ne suis pas d’accord.

Si la présence de quelqu’un ne vous met pas à l’aise ou si vous ne vous entendez plus avec cette personne, vous n’avez pas besoin de rester/être avec elle. Je pense que la plupart des gens essaient de pardonner ou d’oublier les actions de leurs amis parce que nous ne voyons que le bien en eux et que parfois notre esprit ne comprend pas ce qui se passe, nous donnons toujours des excuses au point que cela a de graves répercussions et conséquences. Dans ce post, je voulais partager avec vous l’expérience que j’ai vécue avec des amis négatifs.

Related: How to live stress free

 

ANNOYING FRIENDS

We’ve all come across some annoying friends and I think it might differ for each one of us depending on what they’re annoying with and the levels of annoyance. Personally, for me I’d rather be annoyed than be sad or uncomfortable that’s why I think having annoying friends isn’t that bad compared to other negative friendships.

A friend (or more like an acquaintance) that I found annoying was a girl from uni who would literally copy everything I was doing whether it’s a new hairstyle, bag, nail colour, earrings, etc. At the beginning, I thought it was a coincidence because let’s be honest why would someone copy anything I was doing! It was just impossible for me. But it went to the point that it was bluntly obvious and I’m not going to lie – it felt weird.

It was even weirder when other people started to notice it and they started to do experiments and bets to see whether or not she would copy on this occasion or for this thing. I know imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and most of the times, it doesn’t come from bad intentions. But I think there is a limit and it can turn into something negative pretty quickly if you don’t distance yourself from that person.

Nous avons tous rencontré des amis ennuyeux et je pense que cela pourrait différer pour chacun de nous en fonction de ce qui les énerve et des niveaux d’ennui. Personnellement, pour moi, je préférerais être ennuyé que d’être triste ou mal à l’aise, c’est pourquoi je pense qu’avoir des amis ennuyeux n’est pas si mal comparé à d’autres amitiés négatives.

Une amie (ou plutôt une connaissance) que je trouvais “ennuyeux” était une fille d’université (première année) qui copiait littéralement tout ce que je faisais, qu’il s’agisse d’une nouvelle coiffure, d’un nouveau sac, de boucles d’oreilles, etc. Au début, je pensais c’était une coïncidence parce que soyons honnêtes, pourquoi quelqu’un copierait tout ce que je faisais! C’était juste impossible pour moi. Mais ça en est allé au point que c’était carrément évident et je ne vais pas mentir, c’était bizarre.

C’était encore plus étrange quand d’autres personnes ont commencé à le remarquer et ont commencé à faire des expériences et des paris pour voir si elle copierait ou non à cette occasion ou pour cette chose. Je sais que l’imitation est la forme la plus sincère de flatterie et, la plupart du temps, elle ne provient pas de mauvaises intentions. Mais je pense qu’il y a une limite et que cela peut rapidement devenir négatif si vous ne vous éloignez pas de cette personne.

 

FAKE FRIENDS

These are the types of friends that I would consider the most selfish because they are only your ‘friends’ for their own gains. It’s all about them and what you can bring to them and not about your feelings or situations. They might see potential in you that you might not even see in yourself which makes them take advantage of you very easily.

They will befriend you for multiple reasons for instance to have materialistic things, to copy your assignments, etc. it can vary from physical to emotional things and it will differ for each individual. If you don’t do or bring what they want in their life then they won’t need you at all and will leave your life in a heartbeat because they’re not emotionally attached to you in any type of way.

Usually these people are really good at manipulating you and will often make you feel bad if you doubt their intentions. They won’t leave you that easily if they’ve taken advantage of you in the past.

The only way to cut these people is simply by distancing yourself from them because at first they won’t even notice that you are absent that’s how disconnected they are in your life. Then they will try to reconnect with you because they think they can come back into your life that easily since they ‘know’ you so well.

Ce sont les types d’amis que je considère les plus égoïstes, car ce ne sont que vos «amis» pour leurs propres gains. Tout repose sur eux et sur ce que vous pouvez leur apporter et non sur vos sentiments ou vos situations. Ils pourraient voir en vous un potentiel que vous pourriez même ne pas voir en vous-même, ce qui leur permet de tirer parti de vous très facilement.

Ils vous lieront d’amitié pour des raisons multiples, par exemple pour avoir des choses matérialistes, pour copier vos devoirs, etc. Cela peut varier de physique à émotionnel et varie d’un individu à l’autre. Si vous ne faites pas ou n’apportez pas ce qu’ils veulent dans leur vie, ils n’auront plus besoin de vous et laisseront votre vie en suspens, car ils ne sont pas attachés émotionnellement à vous d’aucune manière.

Habituellement, ces personnes sont vraiment douées pour vous manipuler et vous font souvent sentir mal si vous doutez de leurs intentions. Ils ne vous quitteront pas si facilement s’ils ont profité de vous dans le passé.

La seule façon de réduire ces personnes est tout simplement de vous en éloigner, car au début, ils ne remarqueront même pas que vous êtes absent(e), c’est à quel point ils sont déconnectés de votre vie. Ensuite, ils essaieront de reprendre contact avec vous car ils pensent pouvoir revenir dans votre vie aussi facilement car ils vous “connaissent” si bien.

 

INSECURE FRIENDS

Insecurity is like a disease, once it starts to appear it will spread everywhere and won’t go that easily, and you can never be happy with it. We all have insecurities and it varies person-to-person but it can turn unhealthy if we let another person be affected by it.

It’ll definitely have an impact on your friendship and you’ll start to hide things or events from that person because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.

I believe there are certain things that shouldn’t be or exist in a friendship and that includes insecurity, if you feel insecure about/because of your friend then it’s better you stop seeing them.

L’insécurité est comme une maladie. Dès qu’elle commence à apparaître, elle se répandra partout et n’ira pas aussi facilement, et vous ne pourrez jamais en être heureuse. Nous avons tous des insécurités et cela varie d’une personne à l’autre, mais cela peut devenir malsain si nous laissons une autre personne en être affecté.

Cela va certainement avoir un impact sur votre amitié et vous allez commencer à cacher des choses ou des événements à cette personne parce que vous ne voulez pas blesser leurs sentiments.

Je crois qu’il y a certaines choses qui ne devraient pas être ou exister dans une amitié et cela inclut l’insécurité, si vous sentez anxieux à cause de votre ami, il vaut mieux que vous cessez de les voir.

 

JEALOUS FRIENDS

Insecure and jealous friends can sometimes go hand in hand since they are very much interlinked to one another. From my experience, you can never truly feel happy while being with a jealous friend, you can sense the negativity and the atmosphere is very toxic.

There are obviously levels of jealousy and I do get, sometimes you can’t help and feel jealous in certain situations but if you feel more jealous than happy towards your friend then I can’t call that a friendship. One day or the other, that jealousy will eat you up and show in the outside as well.

Des amis peu sûrs et jaloux peuvent parfois aller de pair, car ils sont très liés les uns aux autres. D’après mon expérience, vous ne pouvez jamais vraiment être heureux quand vous êtes avec un ami jaloux, vous pouvez sentir la négativité et l’atmosphère est très toxique.

Il y a évidemment des niveaux de jalousie et je comprends, parfois vous ne pouvez pas aider et vous sentir jaloux dans certaines situations, mais si vous vous sentez plus jaloux que heureux envers votre ami, je ne peux pas appeler cela une amitié. Un jour ou l’autre, cette jalousie vous dévorera et se manifestera également à l’extérieur.

 

EVIL FRIENDS

Last but not least, there are evil friends. You can pretty much say it’s a combination of all the things above with a touch of evilness. These are friends that don’t want you to succeed in life and don’t want you to be above them in any ways whether it’s education, career, family, etc.

These are the most toxic ones and you should pretty much avoid them at all cost. It’s very difficult to let go of them since they’re very manipulative and controlling, sometimes the only way to get out is to cut ties with them without any explanation.

Dernier point mais non le moindre, il y a des amis diaboliques. Vous pouvez très bien dire que c’est une combinaison de toutes les choses ci-dessus avec une touche de malveillance. Ce sont des amis qui ne veulent pas que vous réussissiez dans la vie et ne veulent en aucun cas que vous soyez au-dessus d’eux que ce soit en matière d’éducation, de carrière, de famille, etc.

Ce sont les plus toxiques et vous devriez les éviter à tout prix. Il est très difficile de les lâcher car ils sont très manipulateurs et contrôlants. Parfois, le seul moyen de sortir est de couper les liens avec eux sans aucune explication.

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!

xo N

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61 Comments

  1. Thirty years passed before I saw my negative friend again. Still negative and still putting people down. Then it occurred to me he didn’t like himself. Then I understood our relationship.
    Great post, great insight into human nature ❤

  2. Great post! Unfortunately I had to let go a friendship a couple of months ago because of toxicity. It was hard, but I must. A person cannot be genuinely happy for you, and need to say and mean spirited things to you in order to feel better about themselves, along with the insecurity, and several other controlling things, that’s when you know it is time to end it.

  3. Toxic friendships are the worst. I have a small circle of friends, but one of the relationships has recently turned pretty toxic (over the last four months or so), but normally isn’t. I’m considering cutting ties but not sure if I’m ready to commit to that yet. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Ugh that’s the worst! It’s like you didn’t even know that person to begin with. Check if that person is going through something, otherwise if that’s who they really are as a person, it’s better to cut ties with them. Life is too short to waste time with negative people. Thanks for reading x

    2. Thanks for responding. I am trying a “temporary separation” because I know she is going through something. I think people get the impression that you have some things all figured out or on easy street when it’s not really like that. Which can be frustrating when everything for them is not going so well, especially in those particular areas. Maybe the separation will help her not compare so much, which I think is the root of the problem.

  4. Great blog! I’ve had so many toxic friends over the years. I finally get to a point where I’m confident enough in myself to push them out of my life but then I start thinking maybe it was me and I should apologize to them or start hanging out with them again (just felt guilty in general). But I think it’s important to recognize the traits you listed out! I think this will help lots of people with guilt complexes like myself lol.

    1. Oh my god, I used to be exactly like you! I’d always think there was something wrong with me and I’d feel soo guilty. But trust me, once you alienate yourself from those people, you’ll see a huge difference. Thanks for reading lovely x

  5. Hello ! thank you for your post – Il did the difficult thing to leave a toxic friend a year ago – and it was a positive thing to do… though – difficult; yes, really.
    Happy days for the end of 2018 !

  6. I feel like I’ve had every one of these! luckily this year i got rid of all of them in the nicest way possible. I’m so grateful I have a keen eye on who’s right for my life and who isn’t. I only plan on making amazing friends now from here on out!
    ❤ Here's to better relationships!
    ― Kiki | soyvirgo.com

  7. I think we all have encountered people you describe. When I see family or friends making excuses for these sorts of attitudes or behavior – well, I don’t see them all that much.

  8. Learning how to feel comfortable letting go of a friendship was a huge part of my growth in college. Especially the negative friendships — it’s ok to let go!! Wish I knew that in high school! Thanks for the post!

  9. It’s true that such friends exists in our life even we don’t want to . One such friends drains my life from last 4 years . N even i want to get rid she didn’t lose a chance to use me n make me feel down. Shame on such people.

  10. We have all had one of these kinds or, many of them in our lives and I agree that we find it hard to cut/distance them out. We may not even realise the kind of effect they have on us sometimes. In the recent past I have come across so many of these types and my life is a lot peaceful after eliminating the toxic ones. Thats why I could so relate to your post !

  11. All right this was very helpful. But … I’d like to see one that talks about the negative romantic relationships!!!

    1. Haha I never had any serious relationships so I don’t think I’m apt to talk about this subject. I’ve come across some people who were interested in me though which later turned into something negative.. maybe I can talk about that? 🤔

  12. In my life, I’ve dealt with so many jealous people that sometimes I found myself uncomfortable with them, and the worse truly are the fake ones. You wrote amazingly, like you can relate, and that’s awesome

  13. Friendship issues affect us regardless of age. Friends are sent into our lives for a reason ~ sometimes we may need a certain something and so we cross paths, sometimes we may need to provide something for another, and yet sometimes the friendship may stick for life. I think if we treat others the way we want to be treated, with courtesy and respect, then friendships will just work themselves out. Sometimes we forget that everyone has issues going on in their own lives and with human nature it can get somewhat negative. Seek optimism in our lives and hope those that matter are drawn to us.

  14. I’ve had my fair share of friendships end. I’m the no bs type of gal. If someone is willing to hurt you and prove their disloyalty then why have them in your life? I believe in surrounding yourself with people who are there for you and you can be there for them in an equal partnership. I believe in cutting out the negativity in your life and just LIVE + be happy! 🙂

    xx, Des | https://www.itsbetterinheels.com/

  15. Yep, sadly all these kinds of people exist. Nice way of categorizing them. However, we must also be wary that we ourselves aren’t perfect and can have their traits as well, if not be like them

  16. Great Article! Indeed, we all have that kind of a friend. But cutting ties with some toxic friends maybe the best thing to do. Because we deserve better. We deserve a real and true friend. We must never settle for less. Thanks for sharing, really appreciate it.

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