expectations - reality - love - dating - new lune

Expectations, Reality & Love

I think we all have expectations when it comes to our love life. Whether it’s the way we end up finding that ‘special’ someone or simply the way we envision our future with that person – we all have some sorts of unsaid expectations. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with it unless we get too obsessed into those fantasies.

In today’s post, I wanted to share with you the expectations I mostly come across about finding love or dating and what actually happens in real life. Grab a cup of coffee, tea or hot chocolate and let’s jump into the post!

Je pense que nous avons tous des attentes en ce qui concerne notre vie amoureuse. Qu’il s’agisse de la façon dont nous finissons par trouver cette personne «spéciale» ou simplement de la manière dont nous envisageons notre avenir avec cette personne, nous avons tous une sorte d’attentes non dites. De toute évidence, il n’ya rien de mal à cela, sauf si nous sommes trop obsédés par ces fantasmes.

Dans le post d’aujourd’hui, je voulais partager avec vous les attentes que je ressens principalement concernant la recherche d’amour ou de rencontres et ce qui se passe réellement dans la vie réelle. Prenez une tasse de café, thé ou chocolat chaud et lisons le billet!

Related: Too Independent To Find Love?

 

FINDING LOVE WHEN YOU ARE IN SCHOOL/UNI

Most people expect to date or find their partner while they are still in school/uni. Even writing this sentence makes me cringe so badly because there is no way you could find the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with when you are still studying and growing as a person.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some who ended up marrying their high school sweetheart or got into a serious relationship with someone who was just a peer/classmate but in reality, it doesn’t happen to everyone. From my perspective, most boys in high school or uni tend to be immature and not really value relationships which I’m not saying it’s right but it’s actually the only time when you can be carefree so why would you add too much stress on your plate?

The ones who end up having a serious relationship or got married after they started dating in school probably went through lots of ups and downs. In my opinion, it’s not the ideal time to start a relationship nor to date but you know what’s best for you. So many of my friends are not with the person who they dated while they were in high school or uni. If you ask them if they regretted dating those guys, they would absolutely say they do regret it to a certain extent.

Trust me when I say, people don’t find their future spouse when they are still in school. Most people end up finding them through their mutual friends or in random instances. Definitely not in their teens and least likely in their high school. Enjoy your time while you are still studying and if you are meant to be with someone, that person will always find a way no matter the circumstance.

Related: A Personal Chat About My Love Life

 

MEETING SOMEONE THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who assumes that I’ll meet someone while I’m running errands, drinking my hot chocolate at a coffee shop or when I’m simply walking in the street. I definitely think the reasons why I have these thoughts is because of watching too many unrealistic movies hahah!

As much as I would love to bump into someone when I least expect it, in real life it doesn’t happen that way. Your loved ones will either be playing matchmakers and set you up on a date or through online dating. It has become the norm nowadays and it’s much easier to find someone who lives in the same county/town as you with websites like Cambridgeshire Dating Site than bumping into someone randomly in the street.

I’m not saying one is better than the other or vice versa, it’s just the ways things are nowadays. Meeting or dating someone from the help of your loved ones or by yourself is much more realistic than waiting for someone to cross your path. I’m a firm believer that if you are meant to be with someone, you’ll be with that person and the same goes for the opposite. If you are not meant to be with someone then it doesn’t matter how hard you try to find ways to be with that person – it won’t work. Whether that’s a job, relationship, opportunity – each will happen in their own time. Don’t force yourself into doing something that you might regret in the future. Remember when you are desperate, you tend to make bad decisions.

Related: Dating & Relationships in the UK vs France

 

FINDING THE PERSON RIGHT AWAY

A lot of people expect to find & date the right person the first time round which is once again not a bad expectation to have and I find it quite optimistic but sadly, it rarely happens in real life. The first person you date might end up being the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with but at the same time, he might not be and that’s completely okay as well.

There is no such things as meeting the ideal person right away. You don’t need to put too much pressure on yourself nor the other person. I’m not a believer of love at first sight but I do believe in love at first instinct. When you meet the right person, you’ll know in your gut that the person will play a huge role in your life. If you don’t meet that person right away, just enjoy your life in the meantime.

Society puts way too much pressure on young people to find someone and get married before a certain age. It doesn’t matter at what age you get married nor what you are doing at that moment or even how long you’ve known each other – what matters is finding someone that loves you unconditionally.

Related: How to live stress free

 

I’ve been really enjoying writing relationship-related blog posts although I’m single hahah! I like sharing my thoughts around this subject since I have never really cared about relationships that much when growing up and now that I’m in my twenties, I find the whole concept of dating and finding love very interesting. I’m pretty sure I have already mentioned it but all my friends are either married, engaged or in a serious relationship. I don’t have a friend who is single I can talk to or share my thoughts with so it’s nice knowing that there are others in the same boat as I. We can all share our thoughts, opinions and experiences freely!

J’ai beaucoup aimé écrire des articles de blog sur les relations, même si je suis célibataire hahah! J’aime partager mes réflexions sur ce sujet car je ne me suis jamais vraiment soucié des relations quand je grandissais et maintenant que j’ai vingt ans, je trouve le concept de rencontres et de recherche d’amour très intéressant. Je suis sûr que j’en ai déjà parlé, mais tous mes amis sont mariés, fiancés ou dans une relation sérieuse. Je n’ai pas d’ami célibataire avec qui je puisse parler ou partager mes pensées, alors c’est bien de savoir qu’il y en a d’autres dans le même cas que moi. Nous pouvons tous partager nos pensées, nos opinions et nos expériences!

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!

xo N

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30 Comments

    1. I know many people who literally got married when they started college and by the end of it, they decided they no longer felt compatible together which is such a shame.

  1. Yep, love is worth waiting for. Though it comes with different expectations, but how and when it comes doesn’t matter, the person does. Good vibe!

  2. Many times, you will find the right person when you are not even looking. You are right, people put way too much stress on finding the perfect person and often miss the right person.

  3. Like what you wrote. As a man, I have a very simple philosophy. It is important to have a direction in life…where do I want to go, what do i want to achieve and what is important to me. And if I have to compromise on any of this things, that person is not for me. I like my woman to be more passive and follower than to be dominant. Not saying this is right, just saying it is my taste.

    Like very much your style of writing.

    1. Thank you! I don’t think it’s about who’s being the dominant one in a relationship, but more about both parties being respectful and understanding towards each other if that makes any sense. Like you said, the things you mentioned are important for each individual regardless if they are a man or a woman and if someone is not willing to understand your goals and values then that person is not for you. Thanks for reading!

  4. I appreciate these topics. It helps me to sort through my situations.

    I actually did meet my ex in college, but after I started full time at age twenty eight. We didn’t start dating until a year later.

    We had a blissful and adventurous relationship for many years, raising two beautiful daughters through almost twenty years of marriage.

    I knew that she withheld opinions now and again, I used to insist on an annual check in where we would spend a day discussing formats of healthy communication for bolstering relationships.

    After awhile we let it go. Yet the relationship felt right, until the last two years. Things got weird. I didn’t feel equipped to deal with it and she was unwilling to go into couples counseling.

    We had challenges, but nothing irreparable, in my mind.

    Because I was always optimistic about the relationship, the end crushed me. It took a few years to recover.

    Because of who I am, I do have trust issues. I’m okay with that. I was living as close as I could to paradise for awhile, give and take, sharing and changing myself to fit.

    I don’t know how I will feel in my future. I’m a sucker for love. My opinions on casual sex has been tainted by the commitment I shared with one lover for so long.

    I agree with you, bumping into someone at the grocery store or coffee shop is completely unrealistic. How do I know? Guess. 😉

    I’ve tried online dating sites with spooky results. So has my ex.

    I hold onto the idea of meeting someone through interests, taking a class or through volunteering somewhere.

    I go back and forth on the concept of marriage. Lately, I think the contract can be used constructively to engage the couple in either routine maintenance or last ditch counseling options.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate it! The sad and scary part about relationships is the fact that people change and you don’t really know what will happen in the future.

  5. I gotta disagree with you a little about people not finding their future spouse while in college. Plenty of people don’t, but plenty do as well. I met a guy just a few weeks into our freshman year of school. We immediately became best friends and started dating later that year. We had plenty of ups and downs, but here we are, almost 20 years later having been married for 10 years (and together for most of the last 20) and we’re very happy. We have many friends who met their spouses in college as well (and are still married). So it can happen, though if it doesn’t, I DEFINATELY don’t think people should feel like they “missed their chance”, especially with the rise of dating apps. I also know MANY people who met their future spouses online, and they are also very happy.

    1. Aw I’m so happy to hear that! I’m not saying that people can’t find their future spouse in college, it’s just that the probability is very low. Especially nowadays, I don’t think it’s something realistic. But as you said, if they don’t end up finding someone, it doesn’t mean that they’ve missed their chance. Thanks for reading ☺️

  6. I’m single. I was never the type to care about relationships while growing up. I was always in my own little world and now everyone that surrounds me is a pair haha. The only thing i dislike is feeling like the third wheel so it’s hard to hang out with friends at times. 😅

  7. Being single you can offer an objective viewpoint. Your writing resonates with me. Like you, I believe the right person can cross your path, even at a coffee shop, but would I notice? Probably overly focused on my brew. 🙂

    I’ve been practicing being single this year since March and it looks like status quo going into 2020. Spent the year working on me and what a fulfilling relationship looks like, so when the right man does make an entrance, I’ll surely notice! ❤

  8. Love reading your thoughts about that! Though, I kind of disagree on few of the points you mention haha, maybe because my personal experience is different! 😛 I think that finding the right person in uni (or even in high school) is totally possible, of course it has to be someone you share values with (and that’s true a lot of people are immature but a lot are already mature) but even if you’re growing, you end up growing together and if your bond is strong, you can actually grow in the same direction and then spend a long time together 😊
    Also, I like to think that the best ways of meeting people are by engaging in hobby-related activities: you meet similar-minded persons and maybe, in all of them, there-s your special someone 😛
    Though I completely agree with you about dating apps and how they’re important in this”game” 😊

    1. Hahah thank you hun! Oh I totally agree with you, you can definitely meet the right person in uni but as you said that person has to have the same morals and values in life as you. But unfortunately not everyone gets to meet that person. Meeting someone in hobby-related activities is such a great advice, I’ve never really thought about it before! Maybe it’s something I should look into lol 🤣

    2. Hahahaha I’ve never tried it but if I “had” or wanted to find someone it’s probably what I would do 🤣 Since I have very specific hobbies I think it would be hard for me to find someone on dating websites 🤣

    3. Girl same! 😂 I’m not in a hurry so I’m just going to wait for the right person to cross my path. In the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy my life.

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