a personal chat about my love life - dating - new lune - we love dates

A Personal Chat About My Love Life

As you probably already know, I’m single. I’ve never been in a serious relationship in my entire life and I’ve never felt embarrassed or weird about it because it is what it is. I don’t know if it’s because I’m approaching my mid-twenties or the fact that I’m not really looking for a relationship right now but people around me are obsessed with the idea of matchmaking me.

I’m pretty sure whether you are a man or woman but after a point in your life, your loved ones want you to be with someone. They love the idea that after each stage of your life, the next one is about finding love and then marriage. In all honesty, I am not against that idea. Love is literally one of the most beautiful things in the entire world whether that be a feeling, emotion or even a thought process.

In today’s post, I wanted to share with you the questions that most people around me ask me frequently (literally a lot.), an insight into my love life and questions that I’ve asked myself which I really want to share the answers with you. This might help people who are in the same situation as me and we might even help each other out hahah! Or even if you are simply looking on dating or starting a romantic relationship then I’d highly recommend to check out this post!

Related: How to live stress free

 

DO YOU FEEL LONELY?

No & Yes? I’ve never felt lonely in my entire life. Being an only child, you are used to being alone and you find ways to entertain yourself. In addition, I’ve always loved my me-time. I prefer being alone than being with a group of people. However, after I’ve moved out, there were times that I felt lonely. But I quickly realised that it was just my insecurities playing because of other people pressuring me and talking non-stop about finding the ‘right’ man as soon as possible.

If you surround yourself with a good support system then there is no need to feel lonely. Plus, if you are happy with yourself then why would you feel lonely in the first place? I would rather be happy while being alone than feel lonely while being with someone.

Related: Moving & Living Abroad

 

DO YOU REGRET NOT DATING AT SCHOOL/UNI?

Absolutely not! Looking back, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. Although the reason why I didn’t date at first was purely because there wasn’t anyone to date (lol) but after I went to college/uni, it was purely by choice.

Films & TV shows really make it seem like you will find the love of your life at school/uni which I’m not saying you won’t but the probability is very low. Your time at school/uni is one of the most defining moments in your life, it will pretty much create your career path, your morals & values as well as be a huge factor to the course of your life

A relationship requires a lot of time, effort and energy but most importantly a lot of communication and understanding. To expect all of those things when you are still growing up is just a lot in my opinion.

Obviously, you see a lot of successful love stories on social media & Youtube but trust me, there’s a lot that goes on behind closed doors. I’ve seen a lot of people who feel unhappy in those relationships because they have completely changed as a person and I’ve seen some who end up getting divorced or separated after years of being together.

In my opinion, you can be in a healthy & loving relationship while at school/uni but it completely depends on the person you are choosing to be with. Most people are very immature so my advice would be to date wisely, but as always it’s only my opinion – you know what to do best in your life.

Related: Dating & Relationships in the UK vs France

 

DO YOU ENJOY BEING SINGLE?

YES! I love it! I’m pretty sure if you are with the right person, you’ll feel the same amount of freedom as you were when you were single but I love the fact that I get to enjoy & live my life freely. I get to focus on my personal goals, plans, dreams and passion. As you already know, when you are in a relationship you have to spend all your time and energy into it. There will be so many ups and downs as well as great & bad times.

As time pass, you’ll gain a lot more responsibilities as well. You will definitely have to share and face as a couple each other’s problems & issues which means a lot of work. Right now, I’m enjoying taking care of myself and loving myself.

It’s not to say that you can’t enjoy being in a relationship. When you are single, you only have to deal with your own issues but when you are with someone, you take on their issues as well.

 

IS IT HARD BEING SINGLE?

Not really. From the beginning, people around me knew that I wanted a serious relationship and not a fling or something casual (which there isn’t anything wrong about it if both parties feel the same way) so it really facilitated things for me. People wouldn’t approach me because they knew my intentions from the get-go.

However, after I went to uni – it was the complete opposite. I would say even if some guys didn’t know what the outcome will be out of that relationship, they weren’t put off by the idea of pursuing a serious relationship if that makes any sense. Plus, when you encounter boys who don’t take no for an answer, it can be tough.

To be completely honest, I find it really hard to be single now. I’m open to dating which isn’t the problem but people around me are definitely playing matchmakers so I find that annoying to say the least hahah. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I’m not in a hurry to start a relationship or be with someone, while at the same time I know if I’m meant to be with someone, nobody can stop that.

 

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON?

I find it silly when people question how you are going to find someone because it’s much easier now than the way it used to a couple of years ago. You have so many dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, etc. and even free dating site like We Love Dates which offers the best opportunities in finding love online based on your situation for instance depending on your ethnicity, religion, age, etc.

You can literally find the love of your life while being at home! Obviously, you have the good old opportunities like meeting someone when going to work, bars, or even when running errands. Plus, if you have friends and family members who love to play matchmakers then you definitely don’t have to worry.

 

WILL YOU EVER FIND SOMEONE?

I think the most taunting question I ask myself is if I will ever find someone. I tell myself it’s completely okay to feel this way because of the fact that I have never been in a relationship and people around me have literally been in a relationship at least twice or thrice & been on many dates.

But there is a voice inside your head that likes to spread negative thoughts and I sometimes find it hard to shut it up. I keep telling myself that it’s not in my hands. If I’m meant to be with someone then he will definitely find a way to be with me. In addition, I’m very adamant about the fact that I don’t want to waste my time nor somebody else’s time so that really helps me to put things into perspective.

 

If you’ve read up until now then I truly appreciate it! I know from personal experiences that when you are desperate, you tend to make bad decisions and I don’t want that to happen when it comes to finding someone. I’m pretty sure there are so many people like me who are single and not caring about their relationship status so I’m just here to tell you to live your life. Nobody should be defined by their relationship status nor the choices they make.

Always remember that you can be sad & lonely while being in a relationship. Just because you see two persons together, it doesn’t mean that they are in love with each other. What you see is only a fraction of their times together, you never know what happens behind closed doors. Never settle for less and make sure to focus on yourself whether you are single or in a relationship ❤

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!

xo N

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51 Comments

  1. Want to mark this for reading, and also add a sort of tangential comment (though *I believe* / IMHO it’s not tangential at all 😉 )… namely:

    People *MISUSE* the word “relationship” nowadays! 😐 It bugs me so much!! Relationship simply means a relationship between things / phenomena / etc. But since People have started using the term for “being tied down” (to someone), it severely restricts our ability to use the term in its conventional meaning. As a result, I have resorted to using the term “fuckwith” (or “fuckswith”) to refer to what “relationship” used to mean. #FML #LOL 😉

  2. I am so like you. I am happy to be single and due to psdt events I have blogged about, I will still happily remain single.
    But before all tje bad that makes me definitely not go with anyone, then yep, I agree, the time will hapoen in its own time and you will find the right one.

    The early days, people expected me to be with someone, just like you experiencing.

    When I have had good male friends, a few may hint that we should be together. I’m not interested and it makes my blood boil.
    What’s wrong with being single? Nothing. I’m not a freak and I am certainly straight, as I was getting are you a lesbian a lot from one person, which I soon shut her up.

    I like me time and I am an only child. Being an only child like you have covered, you do learn to entertain yourself. I am a bit of an introvert too. So more so that I crave my own time desperately if I feel i am not getting it.

    1. The same thing happened to me with one of my guy friend as well. It definitely changed the dynamic of our friendship afterwards which sucked 😔 Oh my god! Don’t get me started on the whole sexuality thing 🤦🏻‍♀️ Somebody asked me that and I instantly shut him up as well.

      There’s literally nothing wrong with being single. You are not hurting anyone and you are just minding your own business. I wish people were more kind and respectful to one another, it’s not that complicated. Thanks for sharing your thoughts hun, I really appreciate it! ❤️

    2. Oh my, you had the sexuality question too. It does change the dynamics of friendship, depending on how pushy they get and personal the question. It’s just simple and it’s our own personal business, which people need to respect on.

    3. I only got it once but it infuriated me so much. At the end of the day, love is love and I would be open to say who I love regardless of their gender. Just because you are single, it doesn’t mean you are not straight, it’s just the stupidest thought process 🙄

      I have more guy friends than female friends and when one of them started to develop feelings towards me – it was just so weird. The dynamic in our friendship shifted drastically and I was really sad. Because not only I lost a friend but we would never be the way we used to be before.

    4. Yes. That’s true to add that not all single people are straight.
      It’s happened to me twice. But tje first time it was so repetitive. I was hearing it every week. So after a month, I snapped. I’m surprised I did not snap sooner.
      But yes, these people just have stupid minds and no thought behind what they are saying.

  3. Thank you so much for sharing! We are both very similar actually. I have obviously had crushes but these never materialised into anything serious because I knew I wouldn’t have the energy to be in a relationship at that young age. It’d be fun – don’t get me wrong, but equally I feel that it wouldn’t be fair on the other person if I wasn’t putting in the effort because I’m very much an all-or-nothing person.

    I am slightly older than you. Once I got to 25, I felt the pressure more from my family and it was nuts. Also, because I’m more of an introvert, people around you will play matchmaker which is annoying to me too. My best advice is to just do you, just be yourself. When you’re ready, you’ll know.

    This is totally random haha but what star sign are you??

    1. My pleasure babe! I’ve had crushes too but I never had the gut to share it nor be open about it haha 😂

      I’m an all-or-nothing person as well! If I commit to something/someone, I’ll give my all to that person and dedicate my entire time & energy into it. But if I don’t, there’s no point in forcing me.

      Thanks for your advice hun! If someone comes along then we’ll see what happens 🤷🏻‍♀️ But for now, I’m just enjoying the present!

      I’m a Scorpio haha! What’s yours? x

    2. I’m a Gemini! We’re definitely some of the most misunderstood signs in the zodiac 😂BUT we are known to be super loyal once we find someone we love and can dedicate ourselves to.

    3. OMG so true! 😂 I completely agree with you 🙌🏼 My best friend is a Gemini too! I’ve been super into astrology lately (since one of my friends is obsessed with it!). She pretty much made me learn all about birth chart, moon sign, sun sign, characteristics of each star sign, compatibility with each star sign and the list goes on 🤣

  4. You are wise to not feel pressured by advise of other. Listen to your gut. For me I found the love of my life when I wasn’t looking. It was like a lightning bolt struck me and time slowed down. Love at first sight from a distance. We became best friends and we each we dating someone else at the time. Eventually we both ended our relationships with our partners as it wasn’t working. We continued just as friends and we both didn’t want to mess up what we had because of past relationships that ended badly. However, it got to a point we’re we could no longer hold back those feelings. Fast forward 20 years later and we are still together and best friends. A perfect combo. I guess I’m just trying to say it will happen when you least expect it if that is what you desire. Hope for much happiness for you. You are a very talented writer and blogger. Enjoy living in the present. Peace ✌️

  5. I don’t know, you might have it right actually. Maybe you shouldn’t “seriously” date someone until you find someone that you’re really into? I’ve been in a lot of relationships that went on way longer than they should have and there was no point or benefit to it other than keeping me from the pain of having to break up with them.

    That said, I’ve been single for 5 years and, honestly, I prefer it. I don’t owe anyone any explanations for anything that I do, all of my time is mine, and I’m free to be around whoever I want. Perhaps that’s selfish, I don’t know. Perhaps it’s also only a good thing to me because I’ve been in a lot of controlling relationships.

    1. Totally agree with you! It’s definitely not selfish, you should always prioritise and put yourself first. You only have one life and there’s no point in living pleasing others. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been in a lot of controlling relationships ❤️ Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I truly appreciate it x

  6. A beautiful post – how people in today’s society view those who choose to remain single by choice. You are wise! If / when a ‘Mr. Right for You’ arrives on the scene your heart will definitely skip a beat or two. 🙂 Continue to be happy!!

  7. Whatever makes you happy and content is for you to decide only. I watched as everyone in my family seemed to marry at 18 and I would have to be dragged kicking and screaming to do that, but I was very happy being single and then in my middle 20s I met my husband. We have been together 30 years and he is my best friend as well as my husband and the decision I made in my life was just that…my decision. Don’t let anyone force you into seeing or doing anything you don’t want to do as loving yourself is more important and I think you are amazingly honest and stand by your guns as the world adores you the way you are.

  8. wow i thought i was the only one Hahaha well if it makes you feel any better this Christmas i have been on my own, single, by my self 21 years yes 21 years.. my mates reckon it’s a jail sentence but with freedom.. it was by choice at first concentrated on bring up the kids… now its more like wow 21 years.. but any way life goes on.
    have a great day and very good article to read have a good day.
    #Lifeat60

  9. I love that you’re not embarrassed about being single, and I love that you don’t let society’s pressure get to you. My parents always used to tell me that it’s better to be single than to be with the wrong person, and that’s stood with me my whole life.

  10. Good on you! You are an amazing, strong woman and a FANTASTIC role model. I married my first boyfriend at the age of 35. We’ve been married for 17 years and are very happy. I’m so glad I didn’t rush, as I would definately have ended up with the wrong man. But I found singleness very hard for the same reasons you did. My own family told me I was ‘picky’ when in reality I was just being patient. I think my biggest fear was that my colleagues would think I was gay, but fear of people makes us say and do stupid things. I wish I had held my head high and been more confident in my status like you are. I’m sure this post will bless many other young girls and women who are being pressured to ‘fit in’ with society. Great post!

  11. A great post! I am the same, I am in my early 20s and haven’t had any serious relationships and before I was embarrassed to address it but now I am just like “f*** it” who cares. The less you try to keep up with everyone the faster you will fall behind in living your own life. Always love reading you xx

  12. Well, to be honest,some of the ways you describe yourself describe the personal me cause I am a thinker and prefer to be alone. Anyways, just waiting till I am older and luckily ,find my happily ever after 😊.

  13. As someone happy enough with his relationship to be getting married, I thought I’d mention that you do NOT have the same amount of freedom even in a good relationship. What I lose in personal freedom I gain in companionship and support.

  14. Lovely post it should help a lot of single people out there. I’m with the same person since I was 21 (almost 30 years together) and we are now happily married however I think everyone is different. I’m fortunate that my immediate family never interfered but supportive nonetheless. People should follow their gut feeling and not do something because others think they should be ‘doing this or doing that’. As long as you’re happy with who you are and where you are in your life that’s what is important. And you’re only in your mid-twenties, you’ve your whole life in front of you – Enjoy…

  15. Hello!
    You will find your love soon.

    Recently I saw “Modern Love” the eight episode teach and make us embrace the feeling of love in its various forms..

  16. This post was very interesting! I totally agree with everything you said, I have no problem being by myself even if it seems like society always wants you to have a significant other by your side! Even if I’m writing this, I’ve been in a relationship most of my life from when I was 17 to my mid-twenties hahaha 😂 I think it’s a fantastic way to grow and as you said, if you find the right persons you’ll be able to enjoy the relationship so much ! 😊

  17. Very smart and mature way of looking at it! I wish more people would realize it’s better to be single and work on loving yourself than to be in a bad relationship just so you’re not alone. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way but after learning to be happy by myself I met a great man! Happiness attracts healthy relationships.

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