too independent to find love - new lune - dating - relationships

Too Independent To Find Love?

Firstly, I just wanted to thank you for all the lovely comments I received on my personal chat about my love life post. Till this day, I receive emails from some of my readers who are pretty much in the same boat as me and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one going through the same thing and feeling like being single is not really a bad thing.

After I finished writing that post, there was one thing that was playing around in my mind and it is the fact that if I was too independent to find love or get into a relationship. As always, I thought what better ways to share my thoughts than write a blog post about it hahah!

Related: Dating & Relationships in the UK vs France



I think we are all independent in our own ways whether that’s on a financial or emotional level – we all know how to take care ourselves. Ever since I was a young girl, I didn’t have anyone to rely on except one person which was my mum, which might be the case for most people.

The only people you are most dependent on are your parents because they are the one who brought you up in this world. You don’t feel any guilt or shame when relying on them for anything because of the unconditional love you have for each other.

On the other hand, relationships might work slightly in a different way. I’ve seen many people’s relationship deteriorate because they were too co-dependent with each other and I’ve seen others’ lose the sparkle in their relationships because they were too independent.

Obviously each relationship is different and there are so many things that come into play when it comes to a relationship therefore you have no idea on what truly happens. Plus, there’s no such thing as one way of doing things better than the other because each individual is different and they only do things that work for them.



There is a misconception that independent women and relationships don’t go hand in hand. If a woman is quite happy with herself, feels confident and doesn’t need to rely on another person – it puts some men off.

I truly believe that in order for a relationship to work successful, both individual need to be happy with themselves. A relationship is all about balancing each other out but if you rely on the person for every single thing, it can turn quite toxic.

Just think about it. If you start to depend on every single thing that the other person does for you, what will happen if they stop doing them? Your entire world will feel upside down and that’s when conflicts will arise. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t rely on your partner but quite the opposite. It should be a healthy balance if one does something then the other person should do another thing.

I know it literally feels like a business transaction but if only one person in the relationship was doing everything, the relationship in itself will turn unhealthy and toxic before you even realise it. Plus, I think it’s important that both persons have their own time to do the things that they love or be with people they want to hang out with.



I guess the hardest part about finding love is finding someone with the same morals and values as you. So many people say opposites attract each other and that they can work together which they can if they respect each other’s thoughts and feelings.

As I mentioned on my previous post about this subject, I’m not overly worried about finding someone to date when there are a ton of dating websites or even location based sites like Jersey Dating Site which is great because you maximise your chances of finding the love of your life – who knows he/she might be near you!

Being with someone is pretty much one of the best things ever (that I could imagine). You literally have someone to share your happy moments, travel the world with and feel safe & secure when you are in their presence. Not only that, but you get to help each other when going through bad times as well.

So I don’t get why some men are put off when they see an independent woman. I would think that if both individuals were equals in a relationship, it would facilitate a lot of things and not the opposite. It’s as if one person has to be superior than the other and I don’t get that thought. Why can’t both people be on the same level?


If you’ve read up until now, I truly appreciate it haha! I guess I’m frustrated with some people’s thoughts and expectations. I don’t know if I expect too much in a relationship or if what I’m thinking is unrealistic. I simply have no idea..



xo N

Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Pinterest | Bloglovin

This post contains sponsored content.

  1. Most men can’t handle a strong independent woman! Weak men don’t know what to do with a strong woman. It takes a very secure man to handle an independent woman but they do exist. Most men want a woman that depends on them to make them feel like a man. I too have always been independent but I came from a strong woman that raised me to be that way. The right one is out there and if he isn’t I’ll be okay and so will you. However, I think he’ll come along. Some men do love and can handle a fabulous independent woman. Life is better sharing it with someone. Great post my friend ❤

  2. I think men who are mature and confident within themselves value an independent woman. There is no such thing as finding your other half. A healthy relationship has two emotionally independent people who support each other individual journey through life, while creating a joint journey as well. These good men exist. They may be the quietest ones in the room as their ego doesn’t need affirmation from strangers.

    1. Real talk! I am that independent person as well and trust me, i scare some ladies as well lol. Anyway, with the right one, being too independent is never an excuse not to find love. Trust me.

  3. “So I don’t get why some men are put off when they see an independent woman.”

    It seems to me that most of them want a slave or a pet, otherwise “why bother?”, you can always get a “younger more dependent one that ~truly values you~”. Women can be ugly too, just wanting money, status, etc.
    It also seems to me that the shadow of a “wife” covered these problems since ever, until now that the roles are breaking.
    Generally speaking of course.

  4. For any relationship to work, both individuals should emerge stronger than before they met. The strongly independent will learn to trust and the dependent will learn to be more independent.

  5. The thing is we have come into a culture where women are now taught to be independent, but forgot to educate the man on how to accept this change.

  6. I believe things are looking better for independent women. I’m 59, but have a lot of young, single male friends. They’ve been raised by independent women and feel that is the norm. They can handle it!

    I’ve always been single, and one of the things that I feel I have done wrong with men is that I haven’t always shown them that I don’t always want to be independent….I am because I have to be, but think there is nothing better than “Lean on me, and I’ll lean on you.” We have to be vulnerable with each other and make “I want you” more desirable than “I need you”. Don’t keep the wall up like I have historically done….knock it down when you meet a good one.

    But always be proud of the work you’ve done to become independent. It really is a beautiful thing to know you will always be able to take care of yourself, when it is necessary.

  7. That is some great insight on what some men think. I know there are lots of strong men. What we need to do is make men realize that admiring a strong woman makes you strong.

  8. An independent woman might be off-putting to an insecure person. However, a mature relationship can overcome these hurdles….because this isn’t a relationship problem but a personal problem….or personality problem.

  9. Sometimes I think I’m too independent for my own good. Most men I’ve met don’t want someone who can take care of herself and I’m not trying very hard to meet anyone because I don’t need to. It seems like more nuisance than it’s worth. People like to say you’ll find love when you least expect it. I really don’t have much hope for myself but that’s ok because I have a great life and am happy. 🙂

    1. I feel the exact same way as well! If someone comes then that’s great but I’m completely okay if I don’t find someone as well 🤷🏻‍♀️

  10. “So I don’t get why some men are put off when they see an independent woman.” Good question. I believe because most men are trained to believe that they need to be the breadwinner, the provider, and the protector. When they see an independent woman, they feel unnecessary. So, it really has more to do with them than us.

    This is a very thoughtful post. Thanks so much!
    Tracy “Ray”

  11. This is so freakin relatable… Strong women need love too you guys 😭 I’m writing a story about it. Just like finding your place you know?

  12. Great post, thanks for sharing your thoughts! I totally agree with you, being dependant to your lover isn’t quite a healthy relationship and we should all learn to live by ourselves before, in order to have a balanced relationship! Though, I guess that seeing independent women is in contrast with the traditional social role of a woman and it can scare some men : a lot of men are insecure about their role in a relationship and society taught them to be the strong foundation on which the woman can rely. If this role isn’t supported by the attitude of an independent woman, they can’t see any value they can give to the relationship so they look away. Again, it comes to the fact that we should all learn to be secure and happy with ourselves before starting something with someone else 😊

  13. In my experience, the independence in a woman is not what scares some men. It’s the presentation of such independence that’s sometimes repulsive. Some women get so lost in expressing their independence that they forget how to let any man take care of them at least once. For a man who looks forward to take pride in taking care of his woman, it is not very appealing to engage with such a “strong independent” woman.. as any chance to embrace a tiny amount of dependence is very slim.
    Therefore, is it really the independence that’s “scaring” those “men”, or is it the lack of dependence that’s not appealing to them?

  14. Pingback: I’ll be celebrating Valentine’s Day Single!! – daisyziula

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: